Part II: Rebuilding the Backbone of Leadership

In Part I, I wrote about something I’ve been quietly observing and, honestly, feeling concerned about: a slow erosion of professional maturity in the workplace.

We explored what professional maturity actually means (and doesn’t), why it’s fading, and how forces like vague leadership, flattened definitions of authenticity, and discomfort with feedback are all contributing to its decline.

There, I described emotional maturity as the foundation of professional maturity, the steadiness that earns trust. In this second piece, we turn toward how to build the practical skills of judgment, discernment and, more broadly, emotional intelligence that bring that maturity to life in how we lead.

This isn’t about going backward to rigid, performative professionalism. It’s about growing forward by reclaiming steadiness, clarity, and care as essential to how we lead. Why this matters is that when professional maturity disappears, we lose more than polish. We lose the very things that make high-performing, human-centered teams work: trust, clarity, resilience, and accountability. Hard conversations get avoided. Feedback becomes risky. Boundaries blur. Ambiguity turns into chaos.

We forget that trust isn’t built by avoiding rupture; it’s built in the repair. And without the maturity to engage, repair, and re-engage, that trust never has a chance to take root. Most importantly, the combination of high psychological safety and high accountability creates a learning organization, one that can pivot, stretch, and grow in the face of change. And in today’s environment, that’s not optional.

So, what can we do about it?

The good news? Professional maturity isn’t something you’re born with. It's a muscle that can be built and strengthened over time. Rebuilding it starts by developing three core qualities: judgment, discernment, and emotional intelligence.

Here are five ways we can start to rebuild it in ourselves, our teams, and our organizations:

I. Model emotional intelligence when things get heated.

The ability to self-regulate under stress is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence. When leaders stay grounded instead of reactive, especially when frustrated, disappointed, or under pressure they set the emotional tone for everyone around them.

Imagine a leader who walks into a meeting right after a tough client call, still visibly irritated. Without pausing, they sigh, shake their head, and start assigning blame. The team tightens. Energy drops. Now imagine that same leader pausing, taking a breath, and saying:

“So…that call didn’t go how I had hoped. I’m frustrated, and I want to take a beat before we dive in so I can respond clearly and fairly. Let’s focus on what’s in our control and figure out next steps together.”

Same honesty, different energy. The first spreads anxiety. The second builds trust. Emotional intelligence doesn’t mean suppressing emotion. It means leading from composure rather than contagion.

II. Normalize feedback as an act of respect.

Feedback, given and received well, strengthens both judgment and emotional intelligence. It’s how we help each other grow, not by being harsh, but by being honest. Cultivating a mindset that views feedback as a gift can lead to profound growth.

Imagine a manager who notices repeated mistakes but stays quiet, thinking, “I don’t want to discourage them.” Over time, the silence stunts growth and builds resentment. Now imagine that same manager saying:

“I noticed a few things in your report. Here’s what worked well, and here’s what needs tightening. I’m sharing this because I know you’re capable of great work.”

Clear. Direct. Respectful. Silence halts growth; feedback strengthens it.

And on the receiving end, one response might be to shut down, arms crossed, resentment brewing. Another might be:

“Thanks for the feedback. That’s tough to hear, and I appreciate you pointing it out. Can you give me an example of what better looks like?”

The first stops learning; the second accelerates it. Giving and receiving feedback with grace is how we build cultures that are both psychologically safe and accountable.

III. Model and teach the difference between vulnerability and emotional oversharing.

This discernment comes in. Knowing when, how, and why to share something so that your openness strengthens trust rather than destabilizing it.

Imagine a leader kicking off an all-hands meeting with:

“Honestly, I’m so mad right now. We lost another critical client, and I barely slept last night. I’m really not sure what to do if this trend continues.”

That’s real, but it likely just raised the blood pressure of everyone in the room. Now imagine the same leader saying:

“It’s been a tough few weeks, and I know many of us are feeling the pressure. I want to acknowledge that we’re facing challenges, and I know that we have the talent and grit to get through them. Here’s what I’m focused on, and here’s how you can help.”

Still vulnerable. Still human. But also steady and forward-looking.

This is the discernment required to find the balance between authentic vulnerability in service to reassurance and clarity vs oversharing as a form of personal emotional release. It’s the difference between sharing to connect and sharing to cope.

IV. Clarify what “navigating ambiguity” really means.

Ambiguity requires judgment to create clarity where you can, call out uncertainty where you can’t, and keep people anchored as you tack back and forth between the two.

Imagine a team told only, “Things are changing, so just be flexible.”

Morale drops. Anxiety rises. Now imagine the leader saying:

“Here’s what we know. Here’s what’s still in motion. Here’s how we’ll make decisions and keep you informed as things evolve. And as always, we will tackle this together as a team.”

Ambiguity remains, but clarity is created where possible. People can breathe. Professional maturity means being able to manage uncertainty without letting it turn into disorder.

V. Talk about professional maturity out loud.

A mature culture doesn’t assume shared norms. It makes the implicit explicit and brings the team together to define them. Speaking explicitly about how we want to show up builds collective discernment and shared accountability.

Imagine a team where “professionalism” is assumed but never discussed. People bump into boundaries, make assumptions, avoid conflict, and quietly build resentment. Now imagine a leader starting an offsite by asking:

“How do we want to show up as a team? What values and operating principles are important to us? How do we want to engage with each other? What’s in and out of bounds for us?”

Suddenly, the invisible becomes visible. The conversation sets shared standards for how the team wants to grow together.

Conclusion

Rebuilding professional maturity isn’t about returning to outdated notions of professionalism. It’s about evolving toward a deeper kind of leadership, one that is rooted in judgment, discernment, and emotional intelligence.

These qualities help us know when to speak and when to listen, when to challenge and when to support, when to hold steady and when to pivot. They transform authenticity into alignment, feedback into connection, and vulnerability into trust.

Because leadership isn’t just about being real, it’s about being responsible with who you are and how you impact others. So the question is: Do you want to be part of the slide, or help define what professional maturity can look like now?

The more of us who choose to lead with judgment, discernment, and emotional intelligence the stronger the backbone of leadership becomes. If we can model that steadiness, even in small moments, we begin to rebuild a culture of leadership that is real, grounded, and intentional.

For a practical starting point, read What Got You Here Won’t Get You There by Marshall Goldsmith. It’s a reminder that professional maturity isn’t about perfection, it’s about awareness, humility, and the courage to grow.